It's good to feel alive again.
Like I have a purpose and a soul.
A soul that was slowly slipping away into the chasm that is
alcohol and
drugs and
sex.
It's as if there's a solid couple of weeks where I'm doing just fine.
I'm confident, I'm calm, I'm proactive.
Something happens..
I don't know what.
maybe it's just that I get too comfortable with where I am
so I start drinking and blazing to fill my time
until it takes up all of my time
and I can't accomplish anything worthwhile.
I've got to take advantage of one of these
periods of time
when I'm alive and figure it out.
So that's what I'm doing right now.
I'm quitting cigarettes tomorrow.
I know..
it's always tomorrow.
I'm not going to drink except on special occasions.
I'm only going to blaze when I have a philosophy paper due.
Let's hope I can stick to that.
I think I can.
I need to do it or my life is going to fall apart from beneath me.
I already feel as if I've accomplished nothing with my life.
I'm only 20 years old but I feel like that's 20 years I've wasted.
I don't really know what I want to do.
I say law school.
I know it would be a stable and successful career
but that's not what I really want to do.
I know I wouldn't really be content or
using all of my talents.
What I really want to do is open up an advertising agency.
Everyone I talk to about this idea just skoffs.
I know it's not stable. I know it's not a guarenteed success story.
But that's what I really want to do.
I think I would be more than content with that.